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[29 Sep 2006|11:04am] |
RUSSEL!!!!!!!!!!
IS DRR DRR RRR
ANYWAY
OK SO IM IN SERVICE CLASS AND BORED OUTA MY ASS
HAVENT UPDATED THIS IN A WHILE.BUT YA I DOT REALLY FEEEL LIKE TYPING RIGHT NOW SO PEACE
CALL ME!
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| in school,and thinking not working... |
[13 Sep 2006|10:52am] |
ok so yesturday i went to the cemntery....
and i kept asking myself why i visit her now?
and not when she had life?
but ya my mom would always tell me "take advantage of somehting when u have it not when its gone cuz when its gone then wats the point"......
and until now i realize it...i know ive always said to live life with no regret but with my grandma i do....its hard not to...i was sitting right next to that grave looking into that picture and just wondering why now? and not then? wats the point of me shedding tears to a cement stone wiht a picture on it....wats the point of me taking flowers to somehting that i cant even touch anymore.why did i always say no i dont wanna go...when my mom would tell me to go wiht her to visit her..all my om asked for was atleast 1 hour of my day to go visit my grandma only 1 fukin hour but no that was lawyas hard for me..wats the point of giving someone somehting and beeing able to hear that little giggle or that smile along with a thank you?wats the point?why now??and not then?until now i realize how important every person in ur life is..thier there for a reason to take advantage while u have it not when u dont...cuz when its gone then wats the point of looking bak into memories and hugging a picture...hug the real thing..not the memories..
ITS WIERD HOW IT HASNT LEFT ME THAT RUSH OF FEAR THAT HIT ME THAT VERY MOMENT..TO FELL SOMEONES LIFE JUST GO AWAY NOT ONLY SEE BUT FEEL SO I HAVENT REALLY WORTE OR TALKED ABOUT THIS SINCE IT HAPPENED BUT IT SCARED ME IT OPENED MY EYES...IT SAID GOOD BYE IN ITS OWN WAY...HER PULSE JUST STOPPED HER STRENGH JUST LEFT....WHY WAS I HOLDING ON WHEN SHE LET GO?I STRUGGLED TO LEAVE HER SIDE BUT HE JUST TOOK HER AWAY...AT ONE POINT SHE STILL HELD ON TIGHT TO MY HAND THOUGH SHE WASNT CONCIOUS ANYMORE HER HAND HAS HELD ON TIGHT TO MINE...UNTIL THAT CLOCK HIT 4 57 AM ON VALENTINES DAY MORNING..THEN IT JUST LET GO...THE COMPUTER LINE WENT STRAIGHT AND SHE LEFT...I DIDNT CRY...I DIDNT FEEL ANYHTING...BUT FEAR..SADNESS WAS THERE BUT NOT LIKE NOW..NOT LIEK BEFORE SHES GONE NOW..AND THERES NOT ONE STEP THAT I TAKE IN LIFE WITHOUT THAT MENTAL PICTURE OR THAT SOUND OF HER STRUGGLE...ALL I EVER TOLD HER WAS TO SAVE ME A PLACE UP THERE ALONG WIHT A CORONITA AAND TO HAVE THE MUSIC BUMPING..BUT UNTIL THEN ILL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN...AND I DONT THINK ILL EVER BE THE SAME...PEOPLE ASK ME WHY AM I SO SHALLOW?WHY AM I SO FEARLESS?WHY DO I SEE LIFE IN A DIFFERENT PERsPECTIVE?WELL MAYBE CUZ IVE NEVER FELT A FEAR LIKE THE ONE I FELT THAT MORNING....
but all i ever asked her was to save me a place along side wiht a coronita with the music bumping...cant wait to hold her again...and hear her little giggle...damm life is crazy...
and yet tommorow itl be 7 months...
time flies take advantage of it live life like if u wont wake up tommorow cuz u enevr know when its over for you....
r.i.p:CLEMENCIA POLANCO SAUSEDO...
until that day comes ill be ok..
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| OH WASS UP!BARBIEZ R LOVED?!?!? I KNOW HAH!!!! |
[24 Aug 2006|01:57pm] |
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BELL RINGING |
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HEYY!
WATSS UPP!
LOL
sO YA...CONTINUING...
FRIENDS ARE AMAZING!
I MISS ALOT OF THEM...
IVE GAINED AND LOST
BUT IVE COME TO REALIZE THAT TRUE FRIENDS ARE ALWAYS THERE
NO MATTER WHAT
THEYLL ALWAYS TRY...ALWAYS LOVE U FOR U
AND NOTHING ELSE
THIER JUST UNREPLACABLE THEYL ALWAYS COME BACK AROUNS WHENEVER YOU LEAVE
THEYLL JUST COME LOOKING FOR YOU CUZ THIER TRUE AND THEYLL STICK AROUND THROUGH THICK AND THIN..
SO YA I HAVE MY FRIENDS I HAVE MY LIFE
AND ITS MINE....
SO TO MY HATERS!...
SO DONT TRY TO GO ON AND DEFINE ME...
DONT TRY TO GO AROUND AND SAY YOU KNOW ME CUZ TRUTHFULLY YOU DONT
I HAVE MY FLAWS JUST LIKE EEVRYONE ELSE BUT DONT JUDGE ME
BE A HATER I CAN CARE LESS
MAKE ME THE CENTER OF YOUR WORLD
HEY UR GIVING ME FAME....
so dont try to be all hard comming up to me thinking that ima get my ass whooped cuz
bitch its not like that
think before you talk and think twice before you fukin act
cuz obviously im not a little bitch that lets people fuk me over
ive grown up so maybe its ur trun....
BUT YA THANKS FOR THE FAME,THE LAUGHS,THE SMILES AND THE FUK YOU'S
u make my life exciting u make it fun
u give me courage and you know what its the shit!
OH YA I FUKIN LOVE YOU TOO BITCH!
♥BARBIEZ R LOVED BITCHES!!!!♥
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| wow!!! |
[23 Jul 2006|03:52am] |
so i havent been on this thing ina really long time
but ya life has been welll good......
its been fun!
parties here and there...
my guys are amazing....
i love them oh so much
grace is undefinable.....
MY BARBIEZ ARE EVEN BETTER!!!
and going out wiht them is just great..
franklins been really good
and ya life is good
so ya call me lets kik it!!!!
love you!
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| hummm.. |
[29 May 2006|11:45am] |
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ok so i havent written in this thing in a really long time.
so ya life has booen good!
like really good
i have nothing at all to complain about.
freidns are good,
familys amazing.
and life is just good.
so ima leave soces.and ima go to franklin.
hopefully it will be better
im tired of the life ive been living school wise
for like th pasty 8 years
so im change that
but ya life is good
and theres alot of people i havent been tlkign to!
so tlk o me!!!!
OH ANS TINA!!!!!
WE HAVE TO HANG OUT SERIOUSLY!!
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| humm... |
[28 Apr 2006|06:50pm] |
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mana |
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ok so ya
well life has been ehh ok i guess
its relieving
alot better
its better to know that i dont have that discomfort in me
and its good to know that i dnt have to try and trust people anytime soon
ive learen alot fromt he past 2 months alot that i already knew that i just
opened my eyes to and a lot i didnt know
ive kinda realized how hard it is to trust anyone
ive learned that alot of the people that i tlk to arnt even my friends
thier just buddies
ive come to realzie i have no best firends
its hard to consider a person a best firend now in days
its hard to trust anyone
i guess i can say i only have like 4 real friends and u know who u r
other than that thier all my buddies
people that come and go
people that ive learned to live wihtout
people that i love to hang out wiht but cnt really say
are my "firends" but hey its all part of life
things come and go but they really only come once
uggggg
its crazy
so ya moving on ive been writting alot more
finally since 8 grade im actually focusing on it ALOT!
and i fukin love it its just that rush that u get
that feeling when ur done uhh its fukin GREAT!
ha so ya ive been going out alot more
perties here and there but mostly just hanging out and writing ALOT!
u might see me around highland park and el sereno mostly
lol
im getting my fame all on my own lerned not to relly on other people
to do things for me
but ya life mannn life is unbelievable
boys come and go
alot
ha
and lately theyve been good alot better but for shure
iam stay away from trying to trust someone...
but ya wat ever lfie is life and we have to accept it
cuz IT ONLY COMES ONCE!!!!
SO AS I WALSY LIKE TO SAY
LIVE LIFE AND HIT UP!!!
urs trully,
nens<3333
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[05 Apr 2006|07:48pm] |
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three miled downn |
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Fear is one factor that causes us to breakdown. People fear failing, losing something or someone. when you let fear get to you you're always running, hiding. I can tell you what I fear >>>> I fear change when things change for me I tend to be rational, selfish, angry, sad, for me I see it as something worse but when it happens you think to yourself what else can we do but continue on. the only reason why life is a struggle is cause theres something that we people constantly fear but you have to stop and think what do I fear the most?? and what ever it is like sports, school, let go of someone you have to accept those changes cause if not (like I said ) you'll always be running.
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| so at times u need to drink to realize shittt.... |
[19 Mar 2006|07:24am] |
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___________ |
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so life....
its crazy how we can see life in so many ways
its crazy how its hard to accept the fact that
life is borrowed
its like she told me once
mija...god gave u life and he can take it when he wants to...
so dont cry for me dont let anyone cry for me....
cuz im happy...and that means u should be too...
ima be in a better place so dnt be sad il always be wiht u no matter what..
my body isnt but i am and thats what counts...
oh god how i miss her
i dnt think ill ever b ok again..
i may be happy but ill always have an emptyness
knowing that ill never have that love of a grandmother just kills
and i dnt like people feeling bad dnt feel bad
its life
and i know that but i cnt accept it
i cnt
shes gone and i dnt know when ill see her again but i will
ill be wiht my two angels once again
there the only two people that i feel really do take care of me
everyday
shes in my mind
every second her breathing the picture all of it
its scared and it wnt go away
no matter what i ever do
its there
and i cnt do anyhtign about it
its affected me so much
and its wierd....
i wna be alone at times
i wna leave i wna scream off the top of my lungs but i cnt
i feel like somehtign big is holding me bak
i wna cry but i cnt
and it just kills...
but as of now i dnt know what to do
i juts dnt...
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| mi vida |
[05 Mar 2006|09:02pm] |
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mana! |
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ok
so life has been hectic
and amazing...
lots has happened in such little time
ups and downs
a little taste of it all
but life goes on
lost some and gained some
emptyness and fullness
love and hate
but thats what life is about right
we just have to learn to take each step
closer to happiness even if it does mean
u loose people
u just have to keep trying
gotta keep ur head up no matter what
opsticles life brings to you
follow your heart not others words
do what makes u happy
not what makes others happy
even if u are taking a risk that involves a broken heart
possibly
take risks
thats one thing that my grandma always tought me to do
take risks life takes risks to prosper
its a lesson in life
and you have to learn from it
so dont hold bak on what you know you want just because
someones telling u not too
cuz i know im not!
<333
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| beaver teeth lookin mofoe!! |
[25 Dec 2005|10:02pm] |
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loving life right now...
things just seem to be getting better and better
i love it<3
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| beaver teeth lookin mofoe!! |
[17 Dec 2005|07:53pm] |
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tbs fo sho!! |
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yo foos!!!!
im wiht tina and ya!!
i updated with lots of love!!!
so ya ....lifes good really good..
JERRY WHERE ARE U FOO!!!!! ME AND TINA MISSES YOU!!!!AND LOVES U FO SHO!!!
♥
NENA!!
peace im outie
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| NANA!!!yess yess im nicole and anas grandma!!! |
[20 Nov 2005|07:51pm] |
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my moms music idk shes playing it really loud |
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ok so ya today...
best ive had ina really long time...ive been loosing touch wiht alot of people
some that ibe missed like crazy....i kinda separated myslef for a while cuase one my 15 and two i just needed some time to thing alot of things out and time to realze who my real friends are...and ya i realized that ibe known everyhting for a while but just wanted to be shure....but nay way...today...
went to glendale wiht nicole and ana and idk
just felt like old times the times that ive
missed for a while now and it sux
cuz like ive had everyhting so good like the best ever
but alot of times people tend to losse touch
just like me outa nowhere and ya i just
missed everyhting like those days
where i would be just so happy and i
would have no troubles like i would wake up every morning
knowing i would have a good day...but its not like that
anymore and thats wat sux...and ya theres juts those people that
always tend to say "oh ill never be too buisy for u or ill never
forget u blah blah" ya ya ive heard that too many times
already so might as well say it when u trully mean it
but ya maybe im just beeing stupid but preety much this whole entrys mostly just about me
missing everyhting i had...and so ya im pretty sure knoone actually reads this so ya im
outi....
LOVES YA!
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| gayyy...dayyyy.... |
[29 Oct 2005|04:23pm] |
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silverstien |
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so ya lately things have been ok....i mean like not too great and not too bad.....at times they could be great then theyll suck...but ya alots been happeneing and not happening....lol...but ya lifes preety much the same theres some things alot of u guys should now as in....mr.R(a.k.a. raymond told me he loved me pshhhhhh ya...anyway..)hvnt really been wanting to pay attention to that one...but lifes good....getting good and not so good grades....and well just trying to live life to the fulest...but ya...moving on
MI CUMPLEANOS IS IN LIKE 2 WEEKS!!!!YAYA!!and ya it sux that theres like 2 other things going on that day in wich means that most of the people that i would have liked to be there rnt gonna be there...but i guess as long as the most important ones are there its all that matters....i just hope that everyhting goes good...im preety excited i guess but then again scared....but well see how it goes...
so ya last night didnt do much went to alyssas party for like 5 mins then to paseo wiht nicole and her friend kinda forgot his name lol...but ti was kool...and as of today im just here bored....tired....anoyed....trying to find somehting good to do but no luck so far..so ya ill end it here for today...
LOVE U ALL!!
♥
nena.nener.nena fresca..miranda...cont..
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| LALALALLALAL |
[22 Oct 2005|09:32am] |
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my mom bumping her ildies music!! |
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ok so where do i start...
i had a great great time wiht nicoler and jerry yesturday went to glendale did inition(but jerry didnt complete it so we have more in store!!)preety much just hung out and had fun!!hahhhahah!!!made jerry eat milk and cereal that nicole had left in her room for like hours!!!hahha that was funny.......did our BUBILICOUS contest and ofcoarse jerry won wiht like 10,nicole and me had 6......but over all had tons of fun!!!memories wiht my friends are priceless i love it oh so much!!!
but today i dnt know wat ima do had to wake up ealry to go buy some stuff but decided to update livejournal before i left.....nicoler wants me to go to the adf show cuzz i know she needs me and im trying to go but im not sure yet....NICOLER IF I DNT GO IM SURE THINGS WILL BE GREAT UR GNA BE WIHT NICK FOO I KNOW U LOVE THAT!!lol......but ya so ill end it here cuz im stll like half asleep.........
peace out foo's!!!
hahah
love nena
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| BEAVER TEETH LOOKIN MOFO!!!!LMAO!!! EEEEEEEEE!!! |
[18 Oct 2005|03:35pm] |
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WHO??!?!? MIKE JONES!!!! |
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IMMORTAL TECHNIQUE!!! |
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WHO??!???!?!?
MIKE JONES!!!!!(HAHAHHA NICOLE AND JERRY!!!)
hahaha so ya lifes been really really good........living the single life is awesome!!....its better off not having to worry about a lot of things....and now i can meet new people in differnt ways.....tu sabes tu sabes....lol...but yeah i realized that he just wasnt wortht he fight so wat eva im better of wiht out him..i really still want to be freinds n stuff but for some reason he started beeing really mean and i hate it when people do that for no reason at all...but wat ever wny way!!!......
lately ive been getting really close to my friend jerry here and hes been awesome wiht all of my situations hes helped a bunch!!!oh and hes getting initiated into mine and nicoles spot!!lol....but hes really cool...we like the same music n stuff and ima introduce him to some underground cuz were kool like that so dnt hate on us!!!hahahhaha!!!......hey jerry!!!! who!?!?!?/ answer with a comment lol...oh oh oh and how can i forget him and tina r doing good!!!.....thier doign better and they might get bak together should i say might or shall i say they will foo's!!!!soon!!
moving on MY NICOLER!!!shes doing great...met this guy i knew from summer school might have read her entries his names NICK!!and hes really good for her right now......i love hearing her go EEEEEEE!!!!!lol its soo cute!!and he just laugh so hard about things its great!!!OH AND NICOLE UR NOT NO FREEKIN FROG!!!!HE CNT BE MAD CUZ U CAN FIND SOMEONE AND HE CNT PSHH!!!!RIBET!!!lol i love u foo!!! so ya ill end it here ill for shure update later in time!!
LOVE U ALL!!!!
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[16 Oct 2005|09:25am] |
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the early november-i wnt to see u sad |
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yaaa....
so lifes interesting last night was interesting...went somewhere i wsnt supposed to be and somehwere i wsnt wanted but had to go cuz i was threatened cough*jerrycough* lol j/k foos but i kinda was forced so im sorry to anyone who didnt want me there i ddnt want to be disrespectful....so im sorry if i did somehtign i wsnt supposed to..and i hope in time i can work things out...but it was kool seeing everyone again....so ya i ddnt do somehting i was supposed to do and i blame myself althouhg i tried but everytime i turned around to see if he was there i coldnt but soon ill do it cuz it has to be done even if i dnt want it to...i just want this over wiht already i didnt want it to end up this way but it did and thats wat sux....but w/e im done.......
oh ya THANX JERRY FOR MAKING IT BETTER OH BUT NO THANX FOR FORCING ME TO GO!!!!!!!BUT THANX FOR EVERYHTING ELSE!!
love,nena
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| HAPPY BURFDAY MY NICOLER!!! |
[08 Oct 2005|09:59am] |
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ME SINGING HAPPY BURFDAY |
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yes yes yes
today is a day to clelbrate bitches!!!
its my nicolers 15 burfday!!!
so go and call her and say happy burfday foo's
happy burfday swettie!!!
LOVE U FOO!!!
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